Comparing Ourselves to the Manicured Gardens

[caption id="attachment_19" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis[/caption]

Look at this house. It is beautiful and quaint. Who lives inside? We all will see something different in this house. I see a gorgeous home with manicured gardens. I imagine the people who live there are fairly well off in careers they love. They have exactly the number of children they always wanted and they behave. It is a home filled with love and earthly perfection.

You can look at any home and make assumptions about the situation inside based on the appearance outside. Those manicured gardens and beautiful walls are only shells masking what is inside. Inside this home might be a couple on the verge of divorce or a family who can barely afford the payments of a too expensive home. Who ever it is that lives here, you better bet that they aren't perfect. They are struggling with something just like each of us.

The problem comes when we compare ourselves to the façade. We look at a big beautiful home and compare our lives and situation to it. We are inundated with Facebook feeds that present only the highest highlights of each others lives. We build a façade on ourselves and do our best to only show our best. Then we look at the people around us and think, "Their life is better than mine."

When we compare ourselves to the manicured garden of someone else's life we are being very unfair to ourselves. We aren't even comparing our problems with their problems. We are comparing ourselves to our own ideas of what their perfect life must be like. So, ultimately, we are transposing our ideals onto the people around us and then saying that we are the ones that are lacking. What?! It sounds kind of ridiculous, doesn't it? But I bet you have done it just like I have.

Let's be real and realistic. I don't want people to think my life is perfect, not that I think anyone does, and I don't want to think your life is perfect either. We all deal with stuff everyday. We each have our own unique frustrations and trials. Let's spend our time giving each other support and love instead of creating ridiculous standards that no one can live up to. Let's live life like it was meant to be, full of love, hope, and support.

Less is More

It started with debt and transformed into a lifestyle. My husband and I did not always live simply. We had the newest in technology and were up on all the latest movies. We were also swimming in debt, not just because of all the tech and movies either. We had also gone to an expensive private art school. We widdled away at our debt slowly for years. Then about 3 years ago we decided to go on a 1 year spending freeze, food, car maintenance, and utilities were excluded.

It was during this time that we discussed what we really needed. Cell phone? No. TV? No. Garbage service? No! At first it was kind of strange to have a basic land line, netflix and DVDs but no TV  and bringing in our own trash. Most people we talk to wouldn't dream of letting go of one of these, let alone all 3! It was all a happy 1 year sacrifice to reduce our debt, which would also mean my being able to stay at home with our young son.

Fast forward to the present...our 1 year without spending long over. We still have our basic phone, no TV (but have Amazon Prime and DVDs still), and no trash service. We didn't stop. Instead we kept going. We simplified our house, donating unused items and reducing clutter. Last spring we even sold our car, not for the money but the simplicity of it. That step made us a 0 car family, the only one in our town I'm pretty sure. The local newspaper even did an article on our family (mostly my husband) which can be found at: http://www.thinkstewartville.com/main.asp?SectionID=13&SubSectionID=62&ArticleID=6304&TM=63147.49

Many people think we are crazy. They have no idea how peaceful it is to go out of the house and not be available for people to call, not having commercials means not having a constant bombardment of wants and gimmes (especially from our 5 year old), And not having a car means that outings are special. It takes an hour to ride our bikes to the movie theater. It is family time and great exercise. There isn't much for shopping in our town to distract us meaning we have more time to volunteer and study at our church and more family time at home.

Most people can't imagine living with less, on purpose, and still looking for ways to shed more. I can't imagine how we ever lived the way we did for so long. Life is so peaceful now and exceedingly more meaningful!