Today we are going to take a short dive into the secret, literally known by only one person, world of me. This post started forming in my mind yesterday as our pastor gave us all a challenge to share our personal testimony with others. I admit it is something I had been thinking about for a while now, but now that I am home I really don't have a lot of face time with people. So here I am on my blog, sharing my heart. I really am an open book when it comes to my life. There are many people that know a lot more about me than you would expect just because they found the right questions. This post today is truly only known by one because, quite frankly, no one has ever asked. One thing to know before I start is that I am very shy. My family will admit that I was shy as a child, but I never grew out of it. I simply learned over the years how to make it look like I am not. So, this will be a tough topic to share. I will give it a shot anyway, here it goes...
My testimony starts when I was 16 and sitting in health class. Everyone else was snickering about sex ed and I was having an internal battle for my very life. It was the darkest most horrifying day of what had been a long depression and my brain was telling me there was only one way to make it stop. That is when Jesus entered my life and encouraged me to get help. I wrote a letter for the counselor because I knew there was no way I would be able to speak the words. My table buddy, who was also my next door neighbor, asked if it was for real because why wouldn't you read your neighbors letter, and I nodded. He said, "I thought you were just really quiet." There is a really quick life lesson for you...If someone is very quiet it could be that their mind is keeping them preoccupied.
I was able to get help. I even made the choice to go off the lovely pills they gave me because they said I could not be happy without them. I knew that with Christ's help I could. As it turns out it was a very good thing because I read in recent years that the drug I was given actually causes depression in teens, clearly I made the right choice. I began the road upward. I started learning how to be a different person, a stronger person and it set in motion the chain of events that led me to Adam. Adam quickly became my best friend and has always been someone I could confide in, even before we started dating. I knew that my life would not be the same without him .
Now I had the personal relationship with the Lord that we should all be lucky enough to have but I didn't have the support from a community. The church my family attended didn't talk about that kind of stuff and I certainly did not feel comfortable sharing. So, when we left home for college, We as in Adam and I because you would be hard pressed to find a time when we are apart if not for work (and that has a 12 year run), we did not find a church. We didn't get the point of it because it never felt sincere to us when we did go to one. We also did not read our packed away bibles because that wasn't something you did at our childhood church or in our homes. We did trust in God though.
We carried on that way till we had Jayne. We wanted him to have a community to grow in with other kids he could befriend. We thought it might be good to make some friends ourselves too, since we tend to keep to ourselves. We didn't quite know where to start and had had a poor experience with one church that we did try. Then Adam decided that we would attend Grace for 1 Sunday, after 2 years of prodding by one of Adam's co-workers, and we just never stopped going. We started attending in April and our family has become so much better since. We have had the chance to grow more in our faith and our understanding of the bible. Plus we are all meeting new people and Jayne has many kids his age to grow and learn with.
We can see the way that Christ has led us through our lives and it is quite amazing. It is such a comfort too. When I lost my job a few years back I was sad but I did not worry because I knew that the Lord would provide. He gives us all clear signs we only have to see them. Like when Adam Asked the Lord if we were ready for me to stay home and then the brakes went out on the car. If I don't have a car to drive, I can't work, pretty clear. And when it wasn't time for me to stop a year earlier the car was running on spirit power so I could get to work. Seriously, we took it in because it was acting up and the mechanic could not figure out how it had even turned on to get us there.
The best part for me is that I have not had a single issue with my depression since we started taking a more active role in our spiritual lives. I have come a long way since the doctor answered the phone in his office and asked if there was any hope, turned to me and said, that was your pshyc test result on the phone. I was told that it is just the way that my brain is wired and it wouldn't truely go away, just hibernate occasionally. It hasn't always been an easy path, but I am so very happy that the Lord has guided me along it. I wouldn't change a thing about the path I have taken, it hasn't always been good, but it has made me the person I am today. I can't wait to see what is on the road that lies ahead.
